And Now Back to Our Regularly Scheduled Blogging…

I am a tech junkie.  Along with my first cup of coffee in the morning, I check my e-mail and Facebook account on my iPhone.  I receive my news via the internet and RSS feeds and with the proliferation of Wi-Fi networks, there is hardly any place I can go and not have a connection to the virtual world.  Even the campgrounds in Alaska have caught on to the situation of our times and offer wireless network connections to their campers.  So how hard was it going to be to suddenly unplug from this matrix of technology and data – no phone, no internet, no e-mail, no Facebook, no television – for a month while living inside the cloister of a Dominican monastery?

Last May, I had asked to take the next step in discerning a vocation as a Dominican nun and interviewed with the Council for my aspirancy at Corpus Christi Monastery in Menlo Park, CA.  And on January 28^th, I stepped across the cloister threshold for the first time.  The aspirancy at Corpus Christi is four weeks long and is a time for the aspirant to see and experience firsthand cloistered life within the monastery.  As one of the sisters explained, often women come thinking they know what the life was about – most are surprised to learn reality often differs from their preconceptions.  Some enter for aspirancy and see nothing but the walls – they sit at windows, counting cars and learn they are not called to the life, and that’s important to know before selling homes, cars, and quitting careers.  Others enter and look up, beyond the walls; within the confines of the cloister, perspective shifts, you notice beauty where before you might have rushed past, like watching the silent progress of trees and flowers in bloom.  And like the birds that are free to fly in and out above the cloister walls, you soar to the heavens in prayer and contemplation.

So now that I’ve finished my aspirancy, what’s next?  I’ve returned to my home, my car, my computer, and my phone.  I have application papers that must be completed and returned to the community for them to consider by entrance as a postulant.  And I still have practical hurdles (read, educational debt) that must be overcome before I can cross that threshold a second time.  In the meantime, God has opened tremendous opportunities that have potential to bless and challenge and many memories and lessons I was given during the first part of this year to consider and reflect upon. 

While there were times I missed my life in the world wide web, I found that by severing those connections, I was able to tap more deeply into another one that was more profound, supernatural.  Now that I’ve returned, I’m gradually reconnecting – I missed seeing the ins and outs of the lives of my family and friends, and I missed being able to share with others as things happened.  But as I move forward, the insight and wisdom I gained will continue to remind me where true life and connection really lies.

The Gift of Time

Tonight family and friends will gather in homes, reception halls, and the streets of the world’s major cities to ring in the New Year.  As the ball in Time Square drops, millions will start to sing “Auld Lang Syne”, a well-known Scottish song reflecting on times gone by and the importance of companionship.  And tomorrow, millions will start on their New Year’s resolutions.

Have you ever stopped to wonder, why the celebration?  What makes New Year, well, the start of a New Year, and why is that important to us?  We could research the history of how we mark time, how New Year traditions came to be, but I propose it comes down to this: New Year allows us to celebrate the gift of time, to recognize our life on this earth is precious, and we gather together to remember what is truly important.  Deep down, we know we are a people who fall short of what we were created to be, living in a fallen world, and so we see New Year as providing a “clean slate” in time, allowing us a “fresh start”, and we make resolutions that this year will be better than the last.

But as time continues and the New Year loses some of its luster, we fail at our resolutions, we can lose sight of the meaning of true friendship, and, as we seek to exist in our society, we forget to live.  The psalmist tells us that our lives are like the grasses that spring up, then wither and fade.  So, this New Year, I have but one resolution – that I would not forget each moment is a gift, each person a reflection of God and to live in gratitude.  I pray God would grant me the grace to do this, and to get up and start again when I fail.  I hope you all have a blessed and safe New Year!

Holy Innocents

I love being an aunt.  I have five nieces and nephews, ranging in age between five years and three months.  Each time I am with them, I learn something new, whether it’s a test of my knowledge and wits (you get to try and explain all sorts of issues, such as how bears know when winter is over so they can wake up), or a deeper understanding of eternal things revealed by their innocence, humble need for care and assistance, and spontaneous hugs and kisses.  To be sure, like all children, my nieces and nephews are capable of temper tantrums and naughtiness, but they also have an amazing capacity for sacrificial giving, expression of simple truth, and love.  

Today, on the fourth day of Christmas, our joy is mingled with sadness as we remember the Holy Innocents that were massacred by King Herod.  When Herod heard of Jesus’ birth, he viewed Him as a threat and asked the Wise Men to reveal Jesus’ whereabouts so he could “worship” too.  Warned by an angel, the Wise Men did not return to King Herod, but went home a different way.  Realizing what had happen, King Herod was filled with rage and ordered all boys in Bethlehem under the age of two be put to death.  We are told in the Gospel of Matthew that this fulfilled the prophesy by the prophet Jeremiah, “A voice was heard in Ramah, wailing and loud lamentation: Rachel weeping for her children, she refused to be consoled because they were no more.” (Matthew 2:18). 

In this event, we are reminded that not everyone welcomed Jesus at His birth.  Jesus was seen as a threat to power, to individual will and desires.  To save His Kingdom, Herod sought to kill the Infant Jesus and innocent babies died in His stead.  In the battle between good and evil, evil seeks to destroy that which is good and too often our children pay the price.  How many of our little ones suffer at the hand of adults as a result of their own fear and selfishness, whether through direct action or, too often, inaction?

Yet we are also reminded of the ultimate triumph of Christ.  Try as he might, Herod was not successful in his attempts to kill Jesus.  St. Augustine called these “infant martyr flowers”, “the Church’s first blossoms, matured by the frost of persecution during the cold winter of unbelief.”  They bore witness to Christ, not with words, but by laying down their lives, though they did not know it. 

Today is a good day to remember the innocents of this age.  Jesus instructs us to bring the little children to Him, that to such belongs the kingdom of heaven.  I cannot help but to think of the three youngest of my nieces and nephews: all three are boys two or younger – had time or circumstances been different, they would have been included in King Herod’s bloody killings.  Yet the young in our world are still at great risk.  They are being slaughtered through abortion and suffer abuse, hunger, and other forms of violence.  Mindful of these issues, let us remember our unborn and our children in prayer and acts of charity: let’s pray over the children in our lives, and teach them well, modeling Christ to them; let’s get involved in the local prolife movement and be advocates in the public square for those who are helpless to speak and act in their defense; volunteer to help pregnant mothers; encourage adoptions.  May we demonstrate the faith we speak by taking action to protect our young.

Dreams, Peace, and Reality

You know those dreams that are so vivid, it takes you some time after you wake up to realize the events you dreamed didn’t really happen?  I had one of those last night.  In my dream, I was sitting with people in my life with whom I’d had a “falling out” and, for one reason or another, there now exists a large rift between me and them.  I dreamed we finally had peace.  Not a “cease fire” that enables two parties to tenuously co-exist.  No, this was true peace that comes with reconciliation. 

This time of year, we hear often of dreams of peace.  But too often we want it on our terms – we are unwilling to yield to the wants and needs of others.  After all, we know best.  And even if we are willing to acknowledge we may be at least partially at fault for the lack of peace, or perhaps we have truly been wronged by someone, we still demand restitution for our injuries, whether real or perceived.

So what is right?  What are we to do?  How are we to respond?  The answer was given to us, over two thousand years ago.  Long ago, man made a choice that set up a rift between us and God.  But God dreamed of peace…for us, with us.  Madly in love with His creation, He desired reconciliation.  He was the one who was wronged, but in the Incarnation of His Son, we see justice and mercy are not opposed, but come together as a kiss.  In humility and love, He stooped Himself to be born helpless, son of a Virgin.  He made of Himself a gift to us, love, pure and innocent, so that we might be reconciled to Him.

I am continually reminded that in practicing love toward my neighbors in all things, I am loving God.  Love as Jesus modeled for us: humble, forgiving, strong and enduring, always seeking what is right, what is good.  To offer myself to Jesus means I must also humble myself and open myself to love and serve His people, just as He did.  And I will suffer hurts and rejection, just as He did.  But I still must love them, just as He did.  And in return, He promises I will have peace, just as He does.

This Christmas season, may we model the Infant Jesus lying in the arms of the Virgin Mary and may all men and women of good will be granted peace in Christ and be reconciled to God and one another.  Merry Christmas!

Countdown…

The date is set and I’m counting down! At the end of January (January 28th, the feast of St. Thomas Aquinas, to be exact), I will be entering the monastery for a month-long aspirancy period, after which time I will return home for continued discernment regarding whether God is calling me to be a Dominican nun.

In the meantime, I get to enjoy time with my family through the holidays and into January. What a blessed time of transition!

O WISDOM, COME!

Can you feel it?  In the air?  It’s almost palpable.  Shoppers are beginning to have a bit of anxiety regarding the remaining items on their lists.  Kids are becoming more excited as school winds down and mystery fills the house.  Bakers and cooks are circling supplies for the last push of holiday baking and preparation for the big day.  Christmas is right around the corner. 

The Church marks this time of final preparation as well.  Tonight, at Vespers (evening prayer), we begin the “O Antiphons”.  They bring a special solemnity and provide beautiful meditation as we near Our Lord’s birthday.  The first “O Antiphon” is:

O WISDOM, who came from the mouth of the Most High, reaching from end to end and ordering all things mightily and sweetly: Come, and teach us the way of prudence.

THE WAY OF PRUDENCE

Prudence.  Such an old-fashioned word and sounding too close to the word “prude”, which is often used today as a term of reproach.  So, what exactly is “prudence”?

Often called the “mother and measure of all other virtues”, prudence is “the perfected ability to make right decisions.”  The Old Testament repeatedly discusses the importance of seeking wisdom; Proverbs and Sirach are focused exclusively on living a rightly ordered life – a prudent life.  In other words, prudence is not something that is out of fashion or is just for a few people.  It calls to everyone. 

THE PRUDENT PERSON

There once was a great king who was given a case to decide.  Two women came before him, both claiming to be the mother of a particular child.  The king thought for a moment, then issued this decree: since they both wanted the child, his swordsman should split the baby in two so each woman could have one half.  One woman said nothing.  The other quickly renounced her claim to the child, pleaded for the king to spare the baby’s life and give it to the other woman.  The king looked at the begging woman and granted her request of the baby’s life, but gave the baby to her.  The wise king knew only the true mother would willingly sacrifice being mother to the infant if that meant the child’s life would be spared.

A prudent person is a good person with practical wisdom.  A prudent person learns from past decisions, has a certain docility and openness to learn from others, is intuitive, reasonable, evaluates the existing circumstances, and exercises proper caution in taking action.  A prudent person’s life is rightly ordered – growing in holiness, charity, and faith, they have a clear sightedness that comes with purity of heart: as they contemplate the face of God, the light of this contemplation enhances their ability to determine right action.  Deeper friendship with God brings greater prudence.  Cultivating the virtue of prudence opens up the path to deeper friendship with God. 

The story of King Solomon above is an example of prudence at work.  Knowing what was right – preserving life and returning the child to his rightful mother – having an intuitive understanding of human nature and motherhood, observing the circumstances of the particular case, and being open to learn from God and the way things are, instead of trying to fashion them to how he’d want them to be, King Solomon was able to decide and act prudently, achieving the right result. 

STOP, LOOK, LISTEN, ACT!

Talking about prudence is great.  Understanding the concept of prudence is wonderful.  But even the most highly educated philosophers and theologians can rattle off the definitions and principles of prudence and not be prudent people.  Conversely, good intentions are not enough when making decisions.  Love and wisdom must go together in action.

We all know imprudent people: the teenager who impetuously skips class to party with friends; the brilliant professional who is accomplished in his field, but becomes petulant and angry if things don’t go his way; the socially inept individual who means well, but thoughtlessly says the wrong thing at the wrong time; the procrastinator who just can’t get around to doing what he or she knows she ought; or the person who simply neglects to carry out doing a good action.  In fact, if we’re honest, we can probably identify ourselves in one of these examples, or think of others that show a need to grow in prudence.  So how do we grow in prudence?

It seems whenever wisdom, or prudence, is mentioned in Scripture, there is a simple instruction: seek it.  “Those who love me I also love, and those who seek me find me.”  Proverbs 8:17.  “Resplendent and unfading is Wisdom, and she is readily perceived by those who love her, and found by those who seek her.”  Wisdom 6:12.  “Wisdom instructs her children and admonishes those who seek her.  He who loves her loves life; those who seek her out win her favor.”  Sirach 4:11, 12.

This implies a couple things.  First, we have to decide we want to be prudent people.  How much?  As Sirach tells us, if we are to be children of wisdom, we will be admonished – any growth and maturation requires a bit of pruning.  Second, if we are seeking something, logically we don’t possess it yet.  After all, why would you look for something you already have? 

This means laziness, inordinate self-love, and pride have got to go.  Instead, prudence requires humility so we can learn from our past decisions and be recipients of the wisdom of others.  When faced with an action, we need to avoid impulsiveness and consider past experiences.  There is truth in the saying, “those who don’t learn from history are doomed to repeat it.” 

On the other side of the coin, it is important we don’t become so paralyzed in fear of making a wrong decision or action that we fall into the trap of indecisiveness or failure to act.  Stalling, procrastination, and negligence are just as imprudent as acting rashly or while ignoring good counsel.  Act!  God is merciful and if the decision goes poorly, take it to the Father, learn from your mistakes and continue forward.  After all, practice of virtue makes perfect!

What a Girl Wants

I had lunch with a friend the other day and in the course of our conversation, the subject of my vocation discernment came up.  Leaning forward, almost apologetically, she candidly stated that she did not understand why I would “throw away” the opportunities I have to be active in the world, using my education, talents, and skills doing good.  She meant no offense; she was simply trying to understand the apparent radical shift in direction in my life. 

This is something I often hear when people find out I’m discerning religious life.  Sometimes it’s phrased as “why would you choose”; others express it as, “God has blessed you with this education and these skills, so He wouldn’t possibly call you to this!”  In either case, it boggles the mind that I would leave behind the life of an attorney and all the possibilities that career brings only to enter religious life, particularly cloistered life.  People shake their heads and mutter, “what a waste…”

So here are some reasons for entering religious life:

Snazzy wardrobe.  Every woman dreams of making a statement with her clothing.  Plus, no need to try and keep up with the latest styles – this outfit is timeless.

Never again having a bad hair day.  Wake up with uncontrollable “bed-head”?  Wearing a veil, no one will notice.

Killer retirement plan.  You won’t get returns like this from a 401k.

Being married to, well, the perfect man.  As the bride of Christ you know all to well He doesn’t leave wet towels on the floor and always knows exactly what you need before you do.  However, there is a downside to this: you’re the one saying to Him, “you’re right, dear.  You’re always right.”

No more rush hour traffic.  Unless you count the cloister walk right before dinner.

Having a daily schedule that includes siesta. 

In all seriousness, a person discerns religious life for some of the same reasons someone might discern getting married.  Now, we know not everyone who contemplates marriage does so for the right reasons.  Obviously, the reasons listed above are nothing on which a person should base a life-changing commitment.  Every vocation is a gift from God, whether that vocation is to marriage, religious life, the priesthood or deaconate; and God gives each of us the education, talent, skills, and other tools we need to live out our respective vocations to His glory.  Sometimes those gifts are employed in a “traditional” way; sometimes they’re not.

Regardless of the particular vocation a person is given, it is the responsibility of each of us to earnestly seek the Giver, discern the gift, and then live it in worship of Him.  So why would I consider leaving everything behind to enter religious life?  Because a girl will do anything for True Love.

Rejoice Always?!

I always like halfway marks; they are a sign that one’s work is almost done. They bring a silent pause of their own, like the moment you are sitting at the top of a hill before barreling down the other side. Or the breathtaking landscape that often accompanies a clearing in the trail while hiking.

Yesterday we celebrated the halfway mark in Advent. In the second reading at Mass, we were instructed: “Rejoice in the Lord always.” St. Paul thought this so important, or perhaps he knew what a challenge this would be for us, so he repeats it: “Rejoice!” A few months ago, I was having a conversation with a couple friends – is it really possible to be joyful ALL the time? Even with all the hurts we endure, the evil in the world? Paul seemed to think so.

In the abstract, I completely agree. After all, one only need to read the rest of Philippians 4, and elsewhere in St. Paul’s letters, to see how he lived this. So too, did the saints; in fact, many, like St. Dominic were known for their joy. Actually practicing this “rejoicing always”, however, presents another issue and it doesn’t take long before I am faced with a situation, or attitude, where I feel like the last thing I want to do is rejoice. So how does that work?

Perhaps one clue lies later in the reading: “have no anxiety at all, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, make your requests known to God.” Really? Did he really say “have no anxiety at all?” Not only that, we are to be thankful when we make our requests known to God. Thankful for what we have, thankful for what we don’t, thankful for what may come. Who doesn’t think this is a tough thing to swallow? Yet this is what St. Paul charges us to do.

Lately, I have learned a most excellent tool for learning how to put all this into practice is poverty – that is, recognizing everything we have, no matter how much or little, is a gift from God. If we do not recognize our own poverty, it is difficult, if not impossible to be truly thankful, for then we think that what we have is ours by right. Material poverty is a very tangible way to learn the lessons St. Paul is teaching. No, not all of us are called to live as St. Francis, but there’s nothing like living paycheck to paycheck, being between paying jobs, or loosening the ties we have to materials goods by giving them away and then doing without to correct our priorities and make us thankful for what we have.

And the reward for our giving up anxiety and being thankful is tremendous: “Then the peace of God that surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.” And who doesn’t want that? That is something we can truly rejoice about. At his birth, Jesus demonstrated what a gift it is to be poor and humble in Spirit. Recall, though, how many turned the Holy Family away because they didn’t have room and refused to make accommodation. Advent reminds us that unless we make room in our hearts and minds, we cannot receive this lasting peace because we have no room for the One who brings it.

From the three candles now burning on the Advent wreath, to the rose colored vestments that the Church reserves for but two days a year, the halfway mark of Advent is a bright sign of the hope we have in Christ Jesus – the one who came as an infant and walked among us, who conquered the world with love, not money or power. With thankfulness, may we persevere this Advent in preparing our poor hearts to welcome and receive Him in whom we have reason to rejoice always.

Side note: Two of my favorite books that address poverty and the Christian life, no matter what your vocation, are: “Happy Are the Poor” by Fr. Thomas Dubay and “The Pursuit of Happiness – God’s Way” by Servais Pinckaers, OP.

Why Heresy To Habit?

Why Heresy To Habit?  Because in three simple words, my life’s journey in pursuit of Truth is summarized.  In three simple words, the grace of God is expressed and Jesus’ love is made evident.  In three simple words, it is clearly demonstrated how our ways are not God’s ways and we cannot imagine the plans He has for each one of us.

I started life as an Evangelical with a touch of charismatic.  I treasure my roots in faith, for it was as an Evangelical that I cultivated a love for Scripture, a thirst for Truth and wisdom, and an intimate relatonship with Jesus Christ.  I was passionate and devout in my faith and never imagined I might be Catholic.  In fact, I knew very little about the Catholic Church.  All that changed the year I graduated from law school.  I had grown cool in my devotion and desired to fan the flames in a new faith community in a new town.  In learning more about Protestant doctrine, I began to see inconsistencies and holes.  I began to doubt.  So I prayed.

As always, God faithfully answered my prayer in a most unexpected way: He led me to the Catholic Church.  For the first time, Scripture, all of Scripture, made sense and could be understood as a whole, something that all the Protestant doctrines of the many denominations I had attended couldn’t do.  I went back to the roots of Protestantism and studied the pillars that were erected in the course of the Reformation.  I examined Protestant and Catholic doctrine and teaching.  One by one, the pillars fell and I knew I had to be obedient to where God was leading: I had to be Catholic.

My quest for Truth has led me to another place I never expected to go – religious life.  Specifically, I feel called to enter a community of cloistered Dominican nuns.  Amazingly, the motto of the Dominican Order is “Veritas” – Truth.