A Song of Gratitude

St. Augustine once said to sing is to pray twice. Is it any wonder I’ve had this urge to break into song a’la Maria of the Sound of Music since Easter vigil? He’s alive! Jesus is risen! His death and resurrection has set us free! And I am so grateful to be Catholic.

As I watched and participated in the unfolding of the Easter vigil, I can’t help but reflect on my own relationship with God and how I wound up sitting in the choir loft of a Catholic church, it having been four years since I entered into full communion with the Catholic Church. The woman sitting next to me leaned over and whispered it was her “first year anniversary” since she became Catholic and we both felt joy and enthusiasm as we relived those moments and excitement over watching others do the same. I’ve learned a lot these past four years. And ironically, the things for which I am most grateful as a Catholic are some of the very ones I struggled with most as a Protestant.

A place to call home. The catalyst that set me toward the Catholic Church, unbeknownst to me at the time, was a single prayer: Lord, show me Your church. I had fallen away from being part of any faith community and had come to the realization I needed that for my own spiritual wellbeing. And I missed the companionship of fellow believers. So it seemed natural enough to pray for God’s guidance in showing me where He wanted me. Now, five years after I first prayed that prayer, I am content and filled with more joy than I could imagine at being able to call the Catholic Church, “home.”

There have been many bumps, some very harsh, along the way. We are reminded that the Church is not so much a home for saints, but a hospital for sinners. Jesus himself said he came for the sick, not the well – the well have no need of healing. But when faced with those rough edges in my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ, or a decision from a church authority I may not understand or agree with, I am reminded that Jesus founded this Church while repeating the words of Peter, “where else am I to go?”

The pope and church authority. Jesus promised to be with us until the end of time. I take special comfort in His presence in the Eucharist and in those He left to lead his body on earth, especially the pope. What other organization can say they have lasted 2,000 years? Or that the teachings handed down over those 2,000 years have never contradicted each other? To be sure, there have been good popes and bad popes – good bishops and priests and bad. And there are now and there will be in the future. But at some point in my journey, I had to face a decision – whether the Catholic Church and the pope have the authority to leads Christ’s Church on earth or not. If Jesus did institute a Church (which He did) and the Catholic Church is it, to be faithful to Jesus means he asks I submit myself to the authority He left in place.

And what freedom there is in doing that! It seems counterintuitive to us, when our culture equates freedom with “freedom to choose”. But in God’s economy, freedom means “freedom to obey.” That is not to say we follow orders blindly. Rather, asSt. Augustinesaid, “I believe so I may understand.” I am able to rest in the guidance of the pope and Church doctrine, and as I grow in my faith, I come to a deeper understanding.

Tradition! As a Protestant, I had a deep love for the Scriptures and Jesus, cultivated since childhood, which continues to this day. But I never stopped to ask myself, where did we get the Bible? Where do words and expressions like “Trinity” and “Christ’s two natures”, and our understanding of those concepts, come from? These words, and the concepts as most Christians understand them today, are not found in the Bible. We see seeds of these truths there, but it took the Catholic Church, under the protection and guidance of the Holy Spirit, to develop them. We receive them from Tradition. I also love the traditions associated with sacred time and liturgy – that the structure of the Mass we see today is described in a document, the Didache, that dates back to about 100 A.D. boggles my mind. And just as Peter and the disciples went to pray at midafternoon, the Church still stops and prays several times each day. There are so many other things too!

All of this emphasizes and encourages me to look outside of my time and space – that I am part of something much larger and more divine. But God asks me to bring that sacredness into my life, my work, and my relationships with others. Tradition provides guidance and a greater framework for doing just that.

Communion with Mary and the saints. Entering the Catholic Church and realizing we can commune with the saints and Mary was like being introduced to a TON of brothers and sisters I’d never known. It’s as if Jesus said, “I love you so much, I want to introduce you to your siblings – they struggled with the same things you are now and by my grace, were victorious. Talk to them about that and they can help you.” It doesn’t take away from God or mean He is glorified any less. Quite the opposite. The saints help us get closer to God.

Of all the saints, Mary is the most blessed. She was closest to Jesus – she raised him, nurtured him, and helped start off his public ministry (remember the wedding feast atCanawhen he performed his first miracle?). Mary’s very being points continually to her Son and in all things she submits to the will of God. “My soul proclaims the greatness of the Lord! My spirit rejoices in God my savior!” she sang out with complete abandon. She can help us make that the song of our heart too.

The sacraments, most especially the Eucharist. The grace imparted in the sacraments has power to transform us. I did not understand this when I was baptized. I came from a Protestant tradition that taught baptism was merely an outward sign – something good to do, but wouldn’t really change me. But when I came up out of the baptismal waters, I knew something was radically different. It was indescribable.

My next experience with one of the sacraments was the sacrament of reconciliation, commonly called “confession.” I still have a “love/hate” relationship with this one. It is difficult at times to say out loud, “I messed up and here’s how.” But the forgiveness and grace that comes to help conquer sin in the future is abundant. Jesus told the disciples, “whose sins you forgive are forgiven, whose sins you retain are retained.” This authority was passed down through the bishops and priesthood of the Church. And when the priest speaks as Jesus the words, “I absolve you of your sins…” there is again peace and freedom that surpasses understanding.

But I am most grateful for the Eucharist – receiving Jesus Himself under the appearance of bread and wine. As a Protestant, I loved communion – to break bread with other Christians, to share something together in memory of Jesus, is beautiful. But there were times I felt as if something was missing. It was good, but I was still yearning for something more. Now I know what that “more” is. His Presence – body, blood, soul and divinity – in communion. This is the source and summit of the Catholic faith. If what the Catholic Church claims about the Eucharist is not true, we are idolaters. If it is true, there is nothing else that matters.